Gold
by Maryari
Summary: Set in season one, rumpel's point of view starting from when he lost his son til he meet Belle and pushed her away. Angst Rumbelle.


**Gold**

He had counted the days, every sunrise and every sunset. The seconds of silence, arriving with every lonely minute and when the days turned into months, he had counted them instead. Until they twisted into years and the darkness ran rapid in his mind. So he had sat down at his spinning wheel and spun, watching the tread turn into gold in his cold hands, silently wishing he could forget faster.

He had saved his son's clothes, in some small attempt to keep what little that was left of him. But they lay tucked away in a closet, in one of the castle's many empty rooms, which he'd forgotten the way to. His castle held more rooms then he cared for and they echoed his silent woes every night as he sat and spun, and made more gold, then he would ever spend.

He had felt it as it came, The darkness, it had always been crawling along is spine. But now it was seeping deeper into his blood, clawing at his soul. Destroying what little was left of his darkened heart.

The loneliness he felt from loosing his son had only spurred The darkness along, making him more sinister with every breath. He'd started talking to himself, needing to talk to someone, anyone. Until that wasn't enough, and he gave the voices is his head names and imagined their faces as they answered him. But eventually the faces turned bitter and started to rot in his mind, pulling him further into his despair. And he had to banish the thought that anyone would ever want to stay with him, knowing how easily he would taint their souls.

Though the loneliness was slowly driving him mad it had it advantages, it gave him what he needed, it gave him time. Time to think and to plan, time to manipulate innocent souls to do his bidding. Time he needed for his plan to work. He knew it would take time, but time moved different here, then it did in the land his son was now in.

She had been wearing a gold dress the first time he saw her, as if she already belonged to him, which she soon would. She'd stared right into his eyes with fear and contempt, and something akin to curiosity. And yet, though fearful, she'd made a deal with him. Given herself willingly to save some ungrateful fools, who would probably never even know what kind of sacrifice she'd done for them. They should worship her, for giving herself to the beast, for it would be a mistake, not to think of him as a beast.

As he'd placed his hands lightly against her back to turn her around and guide her out of her father's castle, he had felt a small spark in the tip of his fingers. He glanced suspiciously at his fingertips before shrugging the feeling off as he led her to their carriage. He had what he'd come here for. He always loved getting what he wanted.

To be fair he hadn't really _wanted_ her, he simply wanted what the king had treasured most. And there was nothing more precious in this kingdom, then the King's beautiful daughter. Not that he cared for beauty, by the time he'd bored with her, her beauty would surely have withered and she'd fade into nothingness. He would forget her easily, when she had served her purpose.

He hadn't liked her at first, she was clumsy and far too curious for her own good. By the end of the first week she'd broken more things than he could remember. Of course he could fix them with a snap of his fingers, but he had more fun scolding her for every broken thing so he let most of them stay broken.

She asked a lot of questions too. He didn't like that, only because he knew not how to answer. Since becoming the dark one lying had always been easy for him, but when she looked into his eye with those small dark orbs of hers, shining with excitement, he coward like a little child. It was very unnerving. So he spent a lot of his time travelling or hiding out in one of his towers, while she cleaned his castle and prepared his food.

She was forbidden to go into his towers, not that that had stopped her. Nothing seemed to stop her once she had her mind set on something. He just couldn't, for the life of him, figure out what she wanted from him.

That once small voice in the back of his head, now stronger and louder, told him she simply wanted his power. She'd kill him in his sleep one day or poison his food and he'd never see his son again. He didn't sleep in the castle for ten days after that, nor did he eat the food she cooked for the entire month.

When his suspicions had faded some, he had returned to the castle, determined to figure out her plan. He had taken it upon him to watch her every time she was in the same room as him, making sure to always follow her every move. One could never be too paranoid.

So he watched her, in the blue dress he'd given her, day in and day out. He watched how her hair fell like silk against her neck and face, as she moved about around him. He saw her lips twitched in amusement when she was pretending to be appalled at something he'd done or said. He noticed how sometimes she would glance out the window longingly, when the sun was shining in through the cracks under the heavy curtains. He noted how she put an extra spoon of sugar in his tea, even though he'd never told her he preferred it that way. And he noticed how her skin felt against his as she gave him his cup. Like the softest silk, begging to be caressed and he wanted nothing but to oblige.

He was going mad, surely, he was.

She was a witch and she had bewitched him. He had to get rid of her. He had to get rid of her smell, her smile and her soft caring eyes. They all dug too deep of a hole in his black heart, filling with lightness and, dared he think, love?

She had to go and so he let her. Sent her away, gave her something he'd never giving any other person in a really long time, an out. And as she stepped off of his property and went into the forest, disappearing amongst tall dark trees and branches. He watched sadly, until he saw her no more and he felt the light in his heart start to dissolve, once again.

He knew she wouldn't come back, why would she? Everyone left, eventually, but that didn't keep him from standing at the window, staring down at his gates, hoping madly, madly hoping, that she'd walked through them again.

And then she did.

And his heart beat faster then it had for hundred of years. And like a fool in love he ran down stairs, to casually wait for the girl he thought he'd never see again.

He hoped she wouldn't notice how out of breath he was as she walked into his castle. When he saw her small smile on her beautiful lips as she made her way to him, he almost forgot to breath. He tried to say something, but words seemed to be unkind to him at the moment. And his hands seemed unwilling to relax as they moved frantically around him touching everything but her.

And then he could smell her again, because her face was so close to him, only inches away. He could reach out and touch her, if he wanted he could just… kiss her. However, she was faster and her lips felt soft and pliant against his.

Then it happened, everything suddenly went quiet and all he could hear was the heartbeats, two hearts slowing down and beating together, as if they were one. His skin was tingling and his head felt heavy, he couldn't think clear. He felt weaker and when he opened his eyes, he realized what the little witch had done. She had tried to destroy him, tried to ruin his plans, to take away everything he'd worked so hard to accomplish.

He would kill before he'd let anyone do that, he had been so foolish, as if someone like her would ever love someone like him. As if he would ever be able to feel true love. Love was a lie and so was everything between them. He had just made it all up in his head, just like the voices, no one would ever love him, how could they? He was a beast and no one ever loves the beast.

He wanted to hurt her first, wanted her to beg for forgiveness and then not give it to her. He wanted to punish her, for playing with his heart. But no matter how hard he tried to hate her, he couldn't. He loved her too much to see her hurt that way, so he told her to leave. Just to go, and never to come back.

And she did, after she'd told him everything he hadn't want to admit to himself. She had left, and he had let her, when he should have stopped her. He wasn't sure how long he had stood in her dungeon, but by the time he walked out of there, darkness had taken over, outside of his castle and inside his heart.

So once more he sat down by his spinning wheel and he spun gold, staring aimlessly as the wheel went round and round. Trying to forget her dark piercing orbs, her smile and rosy cheeks, the way she smelled and the way her lips had felt against his, soft and pliant.

He had more gold then he would ever spend yet there he sat every night, turning his wheel without purpose and cursing himself, for ever thinking that he could forget her that easily. When he had known from the first second her saw her, in her golden dress, she belonged to him. And his heart, undoubtedly, would always belong to her.


End file.
